The Marian Diaries
by Bramber1417
Summary: Marian is given a diary for her birthday, a day or two before Robin returned. In here she wrote her true feelings and every small encounter with her friends, enemies, love, hate and confusion. What you should have seen in Seasons 1 & 2, Bad Summary. Read!
1. He returns

Robin Hood Fan Fiction:

Title: The Diary of Lady Marian

Genre: Romance/Drama

Rated: K+

Disclaimer: I do not own the Robin Hood or any of the characters mentioned, the belong to the BBC and the ABC.

A/N: I haven't written a fan fic before so I hope you enjoy! Please review!

Chapter 1

Year of our Lord 1192

I wake consumed with thoughts. My dreams taunt me with the freedom I am bound to suppress and yet I feel the need for it rising as I grow older. It will be a happy day when I am finally free of this life and have moved on to the next. My father is constantly worrying after me. I suppose that is why he gave me this journal as a birthday present. I would much rather he swore to protect me against Guy. He comes daily now, always bringing a new shawl or some jewellery. Sarah needs more and more medicine by the day, as Jess is very unwell. She is still feels unable to thank me enough for the gifts I bring, so now I give them only as the Night-watchman, my new name given by the people.

I have just heard from a messenger. Robin is bound on his rout home and is but two miles away! I feel feelings resurface again but I cannot be sure. He will have no idea how much Nottingham has changed. I am too exited to sleep but I cannot, and will not be a woman who sits around and waits for a man all day.

Today he came. Marching in and having no idea what he was getting himself into. Guy is in a horrible rage. I do not know how I can keep these feelings secret any longer, but I know I cannot avoid Robin forever. There is a banquet tonight to celebrate his coming back and as I am betrothed to him, it is a requirement that I attend.

My father and I were chatting when not a moment later a knock was heard my father yelled for him to go away but Robin was persistent as always! I had to threaten him eventually. It was hard to turn him away; he had that look in his eye and the tone in his voice, and the way he said my name…..Nothing good can come of it. That is all I am sure of for now. I have to leave; the chariot is here to take me to the banquet. I will continue later.


	2. Frustration and feelings

Chapter 2

I dashed into the grate hall straight away to find Robin. My father regrets turning him away, yet he fears for our lives to be seen with him. If he knew I was the Night-watchman, however he would banish me unless I gave up. I have arranged for him to come to our house tonight. I have been trying hard to hide my excitement from my father, but there are cracks in my act. The only way I am able to keep these feelings a secret around Robin, is to smother them with annoyance or wit and I am getting tired of it. Tonight I was to talk to him privately and he was just as attractive as ever. I did not however show any weakness and told him to back off as things are dangerous enough as it is. Guy was on my back as always and showed me off like a trophy, as Robin sat annoyed watching from afar. He is trying to free four men who are to be hanged tomorrow, but even though I am hoping he can there is no way he can. Robin has to learn to fight from the inside or perish at the hand of the sheriff.

When he arrived tonight he talked of plans and fears. I told him of his stupidity and how freeing the men will not help him in his fight, but he never listens. He left on a mission and I fear for his life as I fear for mine. As I write this I picture over and over the moments between us in our childhood. He promised so much back then and I was so foolish to believe them. I often regretted not letting him see me out of madness when he left, he tried so many times but my Father was already against our courting in the first place and was pleased to see me reject him. He has always found Robin too adventurous and thrill seeking. If he saw what the Nightwatch-man could do maybe he would not be so disdainful. I grow more tired and stressed as the weeks go by. Guy suggested to the sheriff that there be more guards around our house for protection and this has made it much harder for me to escape at night forcing me to wait till 3am to leave the house and deliver food.

How could I! I helped him! The one man whose plan I am so ready to appose and I HELP HIM! We were watching Robin read the convictions and a man spoke up, claiming that he was working for the church and all the men were now sworn in under the protection of the church. But just as I had the sheriff recognized him for the fool he was. It was clear he was working for Robin by the exchange in look but the sheriff did not notice and if he did he didn't show it. The steps were then lowered and the men were struggling, it was unbearable to watch. I know I shouldn't have, but I started to pray silently that Robin would help. Suddenly he leapt up and stole one of the guard's bows, in the second he then lifted it and shot the men down from the ropes as the guards began to attack him. One of them was coming from behind him and could not see, I could not risk yelling out in case of Guy hearing so I quickly removed one of my hairpins and threw it quickly, aiming at his neck. Given my skill and practice it hit him where expected as Robin gave me large grin in return, as if to say "Still haven't lost your touch". I raised my eyebrows back at him as if to say "Next time you wont be as lucky". Strangely I do not regret my actions. The only thing I regret is that I fear I will never see him again and if what I think is true, it will be my entire fault. As the night beckons I close this book.


	3. Rescue, after rescue

He is such a fool! Why do I have feelings for a man who thinks himself so invincible and grate! After giving up all he had and then being caught just as I feared and told him he would. People are now mocking the Sheriff and pay the price time and time again. I saw him today, in the market place. I was bringing back some fresh grass for the horses, when I saw him, Guy by his side keeping watch on me more than Robin. Robin gave me a sad cheeky smile and then, with Guy still dragging him around walked in the direction of the Castle. Robin is dead and there is nothing I am able to do.

Much has just left after trying to persuade me and my father to help him rescue Robin. I must say I was tempted, perhaps The Nightwatch-man might be able to step in. But still there is no way I can get into the Castle without being seen and I fear for my Fathers neck if my true identity was discovered. I feel sorry for Robin as I now know the true cause of his capture. Guy denies cutting out peoples toughs, but I can not say I yet believe him on the way of how instant Much was. He also spoke of dreams Robin had while he was at war, he spoke my name. Maybe I was not forgotten. As I thought I had been..

Guy came over and bragged about owning land for once. I hardly listened just made small comments and then he hinted on changing the name of Locksley to Gisborne. When I protested he spoke of marriage, which then lead to talk of Robin. I had always assumed that he would be held trial for his so-called crimes, but Guy has now informed me that a hanging awaits him and my heart aches. I must visit him as soon as it is first light.

I entered the Dugan, trying to ignore the stench of fear and death when I saw him. He gave me a sad look through the bars as I entered. I then convinced the guard to leave us alone on the guise that a needed some ring he had hidden and I could not control my mouth of its scolding. I confronted him with the fact of leaving me and his people to fend for ourselves. He looked me in the eye with a knowing grin and said "What is this about?" I responded with the simple fact of him going to war and leaving us when he is about to die for saying he cares. I was rather startled when his hand reached up and gently caressed my face, so startled in fact that I slapped it away. He just smiled and said "You had something on your cheek." Of cores I did try to sell him my plan on pretending to hurt me and then fleeing to the forest. He just rejected it and as I shook my head in frustration at him, he replied "I love it when you look at me like that!" I hit him with the side of my dagger and groaned in annoyance.

Suddenly a banging was heard outside his cell and when the door opened, Much and many other men were outside with weapons ready to rescue Robin. I simply pretended the Jailor was injuered and needed help and this was enough to keep the guards happy.


	4. Loves labours lost

Guy made me wait at the Castle for hours after Robin had gone. He claimed it wasn't safe for a lady to be out in the streets alone at night with outlaws on the loose, I should not be too tempted by using the Nightwatch-man as a weapon against people I do not like. He is only trying to court me into thinking he is caring, kind and compassionate. The things I have seen when I was the Nightwatch-man make me know this will never be true and that I could never love such a man.

Seeing as Guy kept me so distracted I was unable to write what happened in Robins escape. He threw his sword around as usual and showed off. I did not realise I was smiling at him until the gate shut and Robin turned his head back to me and blew me a kiss. I simply sighed in annoyance at him in reply, but my feelings for him are growing by the day and this thought scares me. I am glad I have fallen for a man who is kind and stands up for what he believes in, but I wish it was not so dangerous for us to be seen together. I do not know when I will be able to see him next but I fear it will not be soon enough.

I feel shameful. I hear that Robin has shot an innocent man and yet my feelings for him do not disappear. This morning a tax man was walking through the town and suddenly an arrow shot through the air hitting him in the heart and killing him in an instant. The Sheriff is flaunting the news all over Nottingham and soon the whole village will know and cease to trust him. The flame for him that I feel is stronger than reason and cannot be dampened by this or any crisis. I wonder how deep my feelings really are….

I am still not sure if he has any love for me. Today he hit me with an arrow to get my attention! How dare him! The he accused the Nightwatch-man of killing the tax collector and is convinced in his theory. I told him of his stupidity but honestly, why do I bother? He just said "How do you know?"Over and over. More and more people are being killed nowadays so I have told Robin I will try to get into the castle. Sadly this means charming Guy and that is the thing I wish to do least. I must go as my carriage to the Castle waits.

Of cores my charm is yet to fail! Guy took the bait and I write this from my room in the castle now. I have noticed a strange man lurking about the castle corridors. I questioned Guy about him to find, to Guys annoyance, that he is the new master at arms and his name is De Fortney. There is something oddly menacing about him and I am doing my best to avoid all contact. I am unable to feed the poor tonight and I fear for Robin's safety as Guy has sent the dogs loose on him. I shall try to contact him in the morning.


	5. Flirting in darkness

This morning I woke with happiness. I saw Robin after I wrote to you last night. I was very surprised when he rushed into my room in the middle of the night and even more surprised when he slid in next to me in my bed. A guard then entered and I look up still in shock. He uttered a short apology and then disappeared, leaving me and Robin alone in my room. I lifted the covers away from the left side of my bed to reveal Robins suggestive smile, the exact same one that would have melted my heart, if I was not in my nightgown. "So, this is you with your hair down?" He smirked, looking me up and down. Regarding the matter on the servant boy being killed, I was unaware. I told him about my chat with Joe and I was too unsettled about our chat to write then, so here it is now.

Joe and I were discussing the loss of his wife and the deaths of the killed messengers and washer woman, and I was talking of finding the killer, when he brought up Robin. I wished that he would have left the subject alone but it was one that he would not let go. He then guessed my feelings, stating that I love Robin. I felt so naked and ashamed. I could hardly deny it; it was like he admitted what I can't admit to myself. And now I know where my heart truly stands and this is unfortunate for all involved in the dangerous game we are playing. So when I found Robin in my room I was glad and rejoiced silently, when he spoke. I hurried him away fearing he would be caught. He just rolled his eyes and said "Don't be such a spoil sport Marian!" I then tried to keep on topic and told him of my new suspicions of De Fourtnoy and my evidence against him. Robin seemed to be more concerned over me, and kept looking me up and down cheekily.

Then he look became serious when I said "You think just because you want to change things, you can?" He just leaned in closer to me and said "It's hard to change the things you do not want to change." At this point we were so close to kissing I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips; I tried to distract myself by expressing concern for his safety. He just shrugged off reason as usual and when I pressed at the matter further he conveyed how hurt he can really get. He said he feels hurt for the peasants and when innocent people are hurt. I mentioned my conversation with Joe and then I could not stop my lips from adding "You know there are still people who love you."Before we were interrupted by a guard. I shooed him away quickly and he started to leave when he came back and kissed me on the forehead claiming 'it was for my good work in investigations'. I am not sure the smile that followed was to do with happiness or the fact that he said it was for my investigations, when I know he has been trying to work up the courage to do that for at least five years. Today the Sheriff is to parade through the village and I must watch over then events about to unfold for I fear for the Sheriffs life and I have a suspect to go with a murder.


	6. Arrows and regret

Dearest Diary

Today did not go as I planned. For a start their was an attack on the Sheriff today and I was unable to prevent it. I am not sure weather I am pleased or angry at his plan. For one, he did not trust Robin and perhaps he was right in doing so, for if he did he would most certainly not be roaming the earth as a human being, but as a sprit. I was high up in the trees and with some skill began to climb down, when I noticed someone staring at me from across the bushes. I jumped off the branch, risking a broken arm or leg but managed to land on my feet with some skill. I had no time to waste and ran as fast as I could over hills and potholes when finally he caught me and tripping me over, when I landed in a ditch. He pinned me to the ground, violently. I was scared, this was not the Robin I know and l..I will get to that later. He yelled at me, 'Why are you doing this!' and pulled off my mask. His face crumpled as he stayed still in shock. All he could manage was 'Marian?' I only wanted to help him at that moment so I then said, 'There is no time! I know who the shooter is, its Joe Lacy' He quickly jumped up and we ran around to the spot where we had been spying on. There stood Joe, a bow in his hand and aiming at the Sheriff. His reason soon became clear as we stood with our bows ready to strike him. I understood the pain he felt for his wife, but I followed Robins lead and stood, ready to fire at him. It all happed to fast. Suddenly Joe's arrow was flying through the air and Robin and I hit him right in the shoulder. He fell in heap on the ground and began to roll down the hill he had stood upon.

When he reached the bottom he rejoiced for having hit the sheriff and killed him. A man dressed in black then walked over, I then recognized the Sheriff for who he was. He spoke down to Joe with a snivelling tone 'No, you shot the deputy, my look alike'. Robin and I turned away as he gave the order for him to be killed. We walked in the outskirts of the village and talked of the Nightwatch-man, mostly. I enjoy my time with Robin and I told him that as he kissed me goodnight after walking me to my house. He even made the suggestion of coming in. I simply laughed and the sly smile turned to a glum pout. I rolled my eyes and closed the door, and then I smiled and bit my lip as I leaned against it and slid down to the floor. I did not hear his footsteps walk away until five minutes had passed. I know he was hoping I'd change my mind. Soon after Robin's departure, Gisbourne visited and my perfect day shrivelled up as I saw his horse was being tended to outside my window. My Father then called me down and I obliged, unwillingly. We had short conversation and soon he revealed the real reason for coming and gave me a set if four silver hairpins with blue gem stones circling the tips. I politely thanked him and he stormed off in a huff. I guess Robin was not the only one expecting more of me.

**Authors Note:**

**Hi everyone! Thank you so much for my seven reviews! I appreciate them a lot and please keep them coming as they are very helpful for my writing! This entry goes out to ****Fra ITA. Thank you for your lovely reviews and comments, they meant so much to me. I have decided that I must get at least 3 new reviews for this one or it will be the end of Marians Dairy! Please review if you want more!**


	7. If I were a boy

If only I was a boy….my gender marks down my opinions and people constantly think they disregard my feelings. Perhaps that is why I was so drawn to the Nightwatch-man; he offers freedom and escape from my life as a noble woman. My father tried to keep me home from the council of nobles today and perhaps he had reason too. When I got there the Sheriff was reviewing the quarantine on the village of Clun and admitted it is no longer necessary to withhold them food and water. It is however; much more fun for him to see they suffer at his hand. I protested heavily, but my opinion is overruled because I am a woman. I must go to Clun immediately and find Robin on my way.

Two birds with a simple stone! I wandered into the castle and persuaded the guards to let me take a few things from the Castle kitchens. I also gathered a few loaves of bread from Gilda, our cook, she had plenty to spear as my father had had to cancel the lunch he had planned for today. Realising I had quite a large bundle of food; I had to leave my Nightwatch-man costume in my closet and go to Clun as plain old me. When I later told this to Robin he simply replied 'You are everything but plain and old, my love' I rolled my eye and replied 'I sense that isn't the first time you've said that?' He looked sheepish and turned away. So I set off on my way to Clun and when I reached the gate, where Joe would usually be stated, I found a nasty replacement. I ordered him to let me by and when he refused offered me passage for a kiss! This would most certainly not happen if I were a boy! Ugh! Thankfully, at that moment an arrow was shot into one of the many creates of food in the cart I rode. I smiled and looked up to see Robin and Roy riding towards us.

I quietly informed Robin of my situation as Roy tied the guards up, we then went round the back of the fence surrounding Clun, and Robin then revealed what had been bundled in the shawl he was carrying. He handed it down for me to hold while he skewered the food on to arrows and shot them to the people in the village. 'That is a waste of arrows!' I tried to speak carefully over the sleeping baby, I now held in my arms. He looked down at me from the hill he stood upon and smile 'No!' He replied cheekily. 'You could simply throw the food!' I pointed out, raising my eyebrows. He considered his answer for a moment, and then said 'we could, but where would be the fun in that?' He laughed. I shook my head in defeat, and turned my attention back to the baby, when suddenly Robin cried out in pain; an arrow had hit his arm and the Sheriffs men were now racing towards us in haste. He began to mount his horse, concerned, I ran over to him. 'Robin, let me help you!' I hurried as I lifted the baby into his arms. He spoke his answer too quickly; the only words I could make out were 'This is no sport for a woman!' Annoyed, I shot back 'More than it is for a child!' I then added, trying not to show sadness 'Is he yours?' He did not have the time to answer and rode off, without a word. I felt saddened and betrayed, but I tried not to dwell on the question until I knew the answer. I dashed into the bushes as the guards rode by. I quickly got up and sought Robin, concerned for his safety.

I did not have to go far to be able to hear the babies screams. I, once again, took hold of the baby and we rode to the nearest village, for shelter. A kind woman local woman I have befriended let us in and Robin and I exchanged insults as he questioned my life while I tended to his wound. I blushed twice, when he took his shirt off and especially when the owner suggested the child was ours! We then had a heated argument, which lead to me walking out on him and the baby. He irritates me so! I am on the path home now and thinking over the days events as my horse pulls the cart along.

**Authors Note:**

**The people have spoken and I am here to stay! Please keep reviewing as I love your comments and wish to hear more! This entry goes out to ****Cheshire1996, for all her support and kind words! Sorry if I don't post as often as you would all like, as I am very busy with my work.**


	8. Cut Short

My life is of no value to anyone now. I do not even have the friendship of Gisbourne, not that I want it. When I arrived home, my Father stood outside my house, shaking his head and glaring at me. At first I feared he had discovered the Nightwatch-man, and then the Sheriff stepped out of the door. I did not know whether to thank god or curse him. When I entered, I found Gisbourne, looking at the ground in shame. My crime was barely punishable and I did not understand why it was so harsh. We argued for a while and I made no progress talking him into lifting the quarantine, despite my persistence. He walked out my door with a cunning grin, as I begged to know what my punishment was.

I was taken, by force, to the Castle with my hands bound in ropes and wearing nothing but a white garment (I assume the white garment was Guys idea, as I saw him eyeing me off like a piece of meat). Then, the public were brought in to witness my, very public, punishment. I stood before the familiar brown doors as they opened to reveal all the peasants, below. I held my ground and refrained as long as I could from crying. I walked over to the stage and stood there, trying not to think about my hair, as it fell too my feet in curls of dark brown. Guy turned away, as did my father and my only hope is that Robin was not there to witness it. Tears welled in my eyes, but I knew that the Sheriff would delight in nothing more, than to see me cry.

When I returned, I bathed and washed my hair, trying not to weep as I did so and then mounted my horse and set off to Sherwood Forest. Robin greeted me sadly and I wondered what troubled him, but I did not dare to ask. He commented on my hair, of cores, as nothing gets past him. I simply replied "It was a nuisance to wash". Not a complete lie, I must confess. We chatted for a while, not long enough, and then I pointed in the direction of my going. "Always different directions!" I remarked out aloud. We talked for a while more and then I left, on my way too visit Sarah. I found her and Jess in good health and began the journey home. At least someone feels safe and secure.

**Sorry this chapter is so short! And I am very sorry about the delay as well! I will post more as soon as I can! These next two chapters go out to Cindy USA! Thank you for understanding how I feel! Please bear with me while I write the next chapter! The more you review the sooner it is posted up! (I do know I over use the exclamation mark in my Authors notes!)**


	9. The Food Of Love and War

This morning I woke to find a plate of freshly laid fruit and bread at the foot of my bedroom door. Sarah is back. I rushed down stairs to find her, when I heard a loud noise up in my chambers. I immediately returned to find an arrow had shot through my window and landed right on my bedpost. I shook my head, laughing at the creative new ways Robin finds to get my attention. The note attached had a poem that read:

_My heart beats for the one and only_

_Without her, I would be lonely._

_The one who posses my heart and soul_

_I shall pray to one day claim her, once and for all._

I have heard of news of the mines and the families who suffer, so naturally, I go and attended to their families needs. I dropped off food and water, but a young boy was the only one about them to speak up. He told me to leave and take my gifts with him. I ignored, but was followed by Gisbourne and fled. He wouldn't give up without a fight and I was wounded. It is a mere scratch to the arm, but I doubt it will be of consequence to my health. Father noticed it though, and I must avoid Gisbourne or I fear he will to. I said it was a splinter and fled the room. Guy's carriage has just pulled up outside the house. I will have to talk my way out of another outing. I grow tired of his attempts of friendship.

**Ok, so I promise I have a good excuse for not writing in so long! I have just taken a 2 week trip to Bali and denied all use of technology! This entry goes out to Marjatta!I love that she review all my entry's and hopes she continues! Love all to review and if this is your first time reading…hope you enjoyed! **


	10. Hero Of Your Own Making

What defines a hero? Today I ponder this question and wonder how heroics are performed. I saved my own life today, yet in the process I also saved a boy from doing something he would have regretted forever. If I am a hero, who has given me that title? Who has the right? Nowadays I do not understand good and evil. They are blurred together in shapes and forms, too hard to describe. I am sure Gisbourne is evil. Or else he has a dark side that casts a shadow over what little light there is in his sole. I wish not to know him, only to understand him.

Robin was not in time to rescue me today. I went down stairs and discovered Guy talking with my father. He hazily invited me to the silly archery competition. I had no interest in going to see it, unless Robin was going to turn up, and as he was meant to be at the mines all day. I used every excuse able to me, until father blurted out I had been wounded. Guy raised his eyebrows at me and I hurriedly cut him off saying I had 'wounded pride'. He supposed it was my hair and so he brought a shawl for me. How kind of him, to steal a poor woman's positions and hand them on to me. Father and I sat in the carriage and drowsily, I tried to stay awake. My wound had weakened me and I was in no mood to be paraded around.

Finally we arrived and I sat in between Gisbourne and father. I hated sitting there, and living this horrible pretence, my life has now become. I am only able to show my true self in the forest, with Robin. There is no place I would rather be than with him. I sat there thinking of all this and slowly peeling my apple, not paying proper attention to the conversation around and between me and Guy, when he noticed blood on my sleeve. I simply made a fresh wound on my hand and said the blood had been spread. He quickly shrugged off the thought. I then excused my self and began to walk down the dark castle corridors, when a boy stopped me. He was holding a bow and arrow, and was going to shoot. I recognised him as one of the boys at the miner's graves. He named Gisbourne as my lover and I moved passed that and talked him down. Robin appeared as I turned to walk away and he protectively growled "Marian."I simply muttered back, "Batter late than never, I suppose! Make sure this one wins the silver arrow!" And walked back to my seat. When I saw a hooded figure step up to shoot, I smiled at him. The Sheriff was already waiting to catch him and yelled "ROBIN HOOD!" But Robin will always be too quick for them and scurried away, beneath the decking. I laughed to myself and was all but sad when I arrived home. Seeing my mood, Guy tried to plant a kiss on my cheek, but I stepped back and merely nodded to him before shutting my door.

I ran hurriedly up the stairs and saw Robin waiting in my room. I gladly I hugged him and we talked for hours, until Sarah knocked on my door to call for dinner. How did I know he was going to kiss my cheek! Only this time, I let him. He smiled back at me and then slipped away into the darkness.

**Hope you liked! Did I mention how much I my readers? And yeah, my stories are really short, but this is merely a thing I practise my writing for and although I love writing these, they are just drabbles of what comes out of my brain each day! This one goes out to robinhood447,I hope this answers your questions! And, if you haven't yet, please try reading some of Cheshier1996's stories! THEY ARE AMAZING! And lets all ban together so she keeps writing!REVIEW IF YOU LIKED!**


	11. Freedom

An abyss has come to Nottingham. She was found by Sir Guy, and was beaten until half dead. Guy claims it was Robin, but I know he would never do such a thing. He is too kind for that. How could I not be happy, when my heart is in the hands of someone who gives me their heart in return. But alas, I am not content. Ever since yesterday father has known my secret. He knows I walk in the shadow of the hero I long to become. The Nightwatch-man is everything to me and I feel so wild and free when my mask consumes me. My identity safe and the people are fed. I do not ask for anything in return and I will never wound, unless I have to. How can my father not see that I am a free spirit and he cannot control the movements I make and the air that I breathe? As much as he would like to own me, I am not for personal gain. All I want is freedom and I fear he would take that from me, if only to keep himself safe. The Nightwatch-man is not enough for me, yet it is too much for him. It is hard to be afraid of the things one does not understand.

Guy constantly begs for my tokens of friendship. Perhaps if I gave them over so easily, he would loose all interest in me, though I doubt it. Robin understands, I think.. He knows just how too flirt and how to compliment. He finds it hard to express his feelings as well as most, or perhaps it's just around me. That is what I like to think. But for a man of his age, he does the better than expected. I must go and see him. This confession is not long enough I fear, but one must always put her feelings and freedom first.

**Sorry to all my loyal followers! I love you all I wish this one could be longer, but alas, I must leave you with this for now.I think this is to short to be a dedication so I will thank all my reviewers!**

**Love you all!**


	12. The dearly almost departed

The days confuse me. I wake, tired and depressed of the life, the lie that consumes me. Why did I think Robin, a man who is free to do as he pleases, would understand being caged! I tried to talk to him, but all he did was try to dampen my fire of freedom. The expectation of me as a lady is to sit at home and mend garments. Something I will always be in evasion of. If Robin was not such an idiot, then we would have been married by now. I would not have to spend my days as 'Lady Gisbourne'. Father is determined to poke and prod me in any way to his advantage. Or at least that's what I thought.

I went to the Abyss today. She was my last resort of a place of peace and a space to breathe. It is better to be a woman of God, than 'Lady Gisbourne'. I was persistent and the Abyss allowed me to join her, on her way back to Roughed. Guy was waiting outside the chapel for me and his harsh tone stopped me as I walked by. He is like a book. Most cannot read him, but for those who can, it is easy to tell what is on the next page without a mere glance. His pages filled with hatred and fury. Such feelings are untameable. I do not wish to bare the task of taming a lion to be a lamb.

I told father of my departure and was about to leave, when he accepted my terms. I am not sure he is done trying to shape me….but I believed him when he said 'I realised the daughter I have, was the daughter I wanted.' He told me that after Guy came. Father has agreed to protect me from people such as him and I am glad he is finally on my side. Guy was happy with the fact that I did not leave. I began to tune out but then he mentioned how the Abyss was a fake and my ears pricked up. Father loves me just the way I am. I finally feel accepted by the person who loves me most.

**I don't think this was a very good effort to be honest. I am very tired of late (ugh beginning to talk like I write!). Disappointing me only got 1 review last time I wrote! So this one is going out to Fra ITA because I love her reviews and she is an amazing writer! I will write as soon as I can but it will be a while before I get a spare moment! Happy Halloween everyone! More you review, more I post!**


	13. Chains of Jealousy

Lucky Gorge came to Locksley today and as always, his return brings trouble for many. Father has been avoiding me of late. Somehow he now finds it impossible to be around me. We went to the castle today as Gisbourne, had summoned us. He said it was on the ground of business, but sure enough he was waiting at the castle steps when the carriage pulled up. He bore gifts as usual. Today it was a sliver necklace with a Celtic design, truly impressive and beautiful, but it bares his mark, not the one of the man I love. After his presentation, Guy gave a small word, which I happened to over hear. Today a cart will be taken to the castle, a cart of pure silver coins. This afternoon, I went for a ride in the forest, only to be interrupted by a certain outlaw. He jumped out of the bushed, causing my horse to rear up and throw me, a soft throw, so I was not hurt. That is the way he intended it. The child within him will never be tamed.

He wore that cheeky grin as I calmed my horse and we exchanged friendly insults, before he spied my necklace. I had forgotten I still had it on, after I changed dress earlier. He more accused, rather than asked, if Guy had given it to me. Robin now treats me with caution, as he suspects me of harbouring feelings for Gisbourne. I thought he knew my heart belonged to him. After returning the necklace to Robin, I retuned home and recovered my Nightwatch-man costume from the stables. I dressed quickly and was making my departure when I heard my Fathers distress.

I ran out with my weapons, ready to face any obstacle and found three men, hassling my father. I fought each and every one of them with fierce determination and I could feel my father's eyes on me like a sun, shining and proud. Robin intercepted after I had them on the ground and I told him of the silver, though he seemed more interested in my supposed feelings for Guy! I have left father to rest while I write to you. I sit by the fire and watch him sleep. Soon I shall be in the same land as him. Sleep awaits me.

**Ugh. It's about 4am over here (so don't blame me if this is horrible spelling and content, or am I an awesome 4am writer? Thoughts?) And I have just woken up for the second time. Plus I have a bad cold/cough. I cannot sleep. I must commit to writing because I hope to publish some sort of attempt at a novel eventually. I have started writing my own book, so for now I shall take a short break from writing these (or at least try to, this is my guilty pleasure!)Love to all my readers and even more love to my reviewers.**


	14. Your hand in sorrow

My life is a tangle of emotions and promises, all gone wrong. This is the confessions of my guilt, and the sorrows of my heart. This is my life. In the pages of the book before me, I find happiness and joy. Sadness lingers, but is never permanent. Until now. Everyday now I wake and sit by the windowsill for hours, watching, waiting. I wait in fear, no longer hope, that the King will return. It has been days science my last entry, and for this, I am sorry. But the troubled affairs of my life have grown too complex for me to handle.

Three days have passed, since I gave my hand. Guy is crowing with pride and I feel the need to hide away from him and the world. Who knew a necklace could cause so much trouble. I felt compelled to attend the hanging, after I had chatted to Robin. I knew he would save them, despite the risk. It was the thought of family that swayed him. That's what I admire most about him; he knows that there are no limitations when it comes to love.

But he was outsmarted, and the men had been hung hours before our arrival. I shielded my sad face from the crowd as I began to leave. When a guard grabbed me and pulled me aside. I nervously glanced ahead and relaxed at the sight of Robin. I tensed in fear, at the sight of seriousness in his eyes. Gisborne knew of my betrayals and was on his way to Kinghton. Robin wanted me safe and by his side, but my only concern was of my fathers well being. Robin protested heavily against my going back, but I would not desert him. But I believed him when he spoke the words "Marian, I will get you the necklace, give me time." I nodded as I turned away, and was escorted by Much, to the end of the corridor.

I wasted no time as I sat in my carriage, wondering how I could untie myself of he knot I was in. I worried more and more, over my father and it seemed like it had been years, when I finally caught sight of my house. I burst in to the house to find my father and Guy, talking. I behaved politely and greeted him normally. He was not fooled and I began to doubt Robin would arrive in time. I hated myself for thinking he would let me down.

Guy got up from his seat and walked over to me. He stood tall and proud, towering over me, as if I were a child. "Show me the necklace." He spoke these words with such a tone, that I shivered and only just managed to say "What necklace?" in a very soft voice. I knew he could scene my fear as I replied. My father came closer to us and as cut off mid sentence, when Guy threw him to the floor with a hard slap. I made a small shout as he did, then he turned back to me and spoke sharply "Show me your necklace."

I stood firmly on the grounds that if he trusted me, he did not need proof of my innocence. I announced the end of our friendship and he accused me of the crime to witch I am guilty, conversing with Robin. He then stated that I would 'pay the price'. He does not understand anything of who I am. He can hurt me all he want, he can torture me until there is nothing left of me but a broken sprit, but it's the people that surround me that are my weakness. I convinced him to let me fetch it from my chambers and hurried upstairs, hoping to find Robin in my room, like he had been so many times before.

My father gave me a worried look as I disappeared up the staircase and into my room. He was nowhere to be found. Robin had done the one thing that he was not capable of doing. He had let me down. I grabbed my things and threw them around the room in anger, and then I had the idea. I turned over furniture and spilled my possessions over the floor, to make it look like a robbery. Guy came up the stairs before I could finish my perfect robbery.

He saw right through me and I began to lie. Finally I spoke the truth and was at the beginnings of telling him about my love and my thoughts for Robin, when a hand snaked out from the side of the windowsill, a necklace in its grasp. I gave it to Guy and I was told that I would be hanged, unless I became Lady Gisborne. I became hesitant and he convicted me of feelings for Robin, I knew he would still be listing. I spoke as softly as I could, but I knew he would hear, I could feel the pain in his eyes as I said, "I would never marry Robin Hood." He has brought this up in almost every conversation we have had since. How can he still doubt my feelings for him? I did not think I had to tell him, I thought he knew. He always knew before. Life before the Sheriff and Guy was so much easier. Robin and I would play and laugh and joke about what kind of future we would have together.

All the images of Robin and me flooded my mind and I grew dizzy with thoughts of Robin, only Robin. Guy suddenly brought me back to life with, once again, asking for my hand. I had to accept, there was no other way. This is the life I need, for my safety, and the safety of my father. What kind of life would I have with Robin? Living in the forest and robbing for a life? Is this what I want for my future, and the future of those who will surround me? I asked him to go downstairs and tells my father, no doubt he would offer sympathy later. I turned back to my window, hoping to see anything but those sad eyes. But wishes do not come true, and I was foolish to think that perhaps they could. The only word I could muster as I looked into the longing face of the man before me was "Sorry."

As soon as the King returns, I am to marry the man whom I have avoided all my life. I am refusing visitors and food. Father is worried and offers me outings with him each day. But the only place I want to be in right now is the one place I can't be. In the arms of the man I love.

Well I hope you all liked it! I gave this one a lot of attention because it was the biggest episode in the series for Marian (as far as I'm concerned!) so I hope you all aren't bored to death by the length of it! Well my novel is going well and I have decided these are to much fun to stop writing! So please expect a weekly update!(If not please review to remind me!) I am going through some MAJOR family issues right now so sorry if the updates are not very frequent! Oh and "Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!" Yep that's right! It was my birthday as well! Anyways, this is like the longest Authors Note ever so this is me, signing off.

PLEASE REVIEW!


	15. Love, Trust and Confusion

Today is the Kings birthday. Somehow I find myself no longer able to enjoy the small luxuries such as these. Guy held a banquet at Robins House. Perhaps I can wriggle my way out of this engagement, but I must do it soon or I will give false hope to a kind man. Did I just say that? Goodness, my loyalty belongs to one man. Robin. How can I be engaged to the man I despise, when my heart says differently? Do I despise him? Oh God I am so confused! I don't know which way is up anymore, I cant tell what's fact or fiction or what is right or wrong! My head is posing me a million questions and I don't have any answers for myself! What do I use this diary for anymore? Is it for confessions of love or hatred? Is this truly what being in love feels like? It can't be. I have been fond of Robin all my life and that will never change…but is what I feel for him…love? I don't understand! Oh Goodness! I sound just as annoyed as I get when Robin is confused about my feelings for him! But whenever that happens…. I know how he feels and I can tell he knows my feelings will never change. But do I?

I am so mistrustful of everyone now. I do not wish to believe what's in front of me, but if I don't... I need to start at the beginning. Today I attended the banquet with my father and Guy made a toast to the King. Sadly he did include the promise of my hand to him. I was furious as he pulled out a ring, but contained my fury for the observers. I scolded Guy but I did not get enough of a chance before a very jealous Robin entered the house along with his gang. We had not seen each other in the longest time; well it felt like that anyway…. I don't know. He did his opening routine and began to collect the jewellery off the guests, when he reached me.

At first I wore a look of guilt and it took all my powers to meet his eye. I kept my tone with him firm, but it was agony concealing my feelings from him. All I wanted at that moment was for the spectators to disappear and everything to melt away, our problems to vanish. Leaving only us. Two people, talking. I miss those days so much. The days before the war became my life and I saw Robin daily, without having to hide our feelings. The simple days. Everything is coming unstuck now and my life is falling apart. Robin reached for my hand and I shivered at his touch. I could hear my heart begin to race as he slipped it from my finger and began to leave, when Guy lunged at him, and a sword fight began. When Robin finally had Guy against a pillar, he tore his sleave to revealed a tattoo. Robin turned pale and stepped back in shock. Jaq garbed him and threw him out the door, only to be hit in the head by Guy as Robin left. Jaq was taken captive and is being held in the castle as I write. I stormed out of the house and jumped onto his horse. I questioned his motives to go after Robin, but he said it was necessary to retrieve my ring. As he left the Sheriff whispered in my ear 'Your parties are much more fun than mine.' I rolled my eyes and departed with my father in toe.

When I got home, I paced back and forth in my room. I could not get the picture of Robins face in m head. His face, I had never seen him ridden with such shock and the way he looked at me, like a longing and an aching heart poured together. He was so strange after that, so…. unnatural. I wish it was as easy as to read him as it was Guy. Sometimes it's as if he could never tell me his inner thoughts, is it not easy to tell the woman you love your true feelings?

Much visited me soon after my troubled mind was calmed. He came to me in a sate of horror. He was stricken with pain, he told me of Robin's battle to save the king and of his recognising Guy as the attacker that killed the king. I was horrified at the actions I was told of and raced to Robin's side. I found Robin panting heavily next to an unconscious Guy. Much tied him up and fed him one of Jaq's sleeping potions. I called Robin and lectured him. Robin told me of the story his battle against Guy. I wanted to believe it, but the strongest part f me advised me against it. Guy does not seem the man who could kill so easily. Robin was doubtful of my love once again and accused me of enjoying Guy's announcement this morning. The gang returned without Jaq and they planned a trip to Nottingham to rescue her, they did not see the solution in front of them. Trade Guy for Jaq. It seems that's Jaq is a woman, another in this battle who is not who they seem. Robin strongly disagreed to this, which lead to John punching him. I turned away at the sight of the man I loved being hurt. I am writing this as I sit with him now. I hope my questions are answered by the end of the day.

I sat with Robin until he regained consciousness and we talked, he asked where the gang was and I accidently revealed the meeting place for the trade. But once Robin told me of his plan, I knew I had done the right thing by everyone. He fled in haste to the mines and I returned home to become the Nightwatchman once more. As I lifted the green scarf over my mouth, a familiar voice spoke the word 'Thankyou" I turned to see Robin standing in the doorway of the stables. He smiled that smile I adore and my heart shone with happiness. I walked over to him and he pulled the scarf back down to my neck, revealing the smile on my lips. He leaned against the wood of the stable door and I stood quietly while he stoked my hair, lovingly. I closed my eyes and his lips met mine. I opened them as he pulled back and gave him a warmer smile. He kissed me once again, on the cheek this time, and glided out the door as I turned back to my horse. Now all I can think of is the warmth of his lips against mine. I shall never question my love for him again. I know who I despise, which way is up, and what is fact and fiction. I am in love, and that will never change.

**If I do say so myself, that was a very good ending! I just thought, that eventually, we need a first kiss scene! And I could think of no better place than the stables! Ah well that was it for another week, I will try and squeeze one more entry in before Christmas but it is unlikely that will happen **** so I guess I will see you all after New years because I am going to see my family and I will be to busy to write! Thankyou so much for all the lovely comments written, family issues not yet resolved but oh well! Wishing you all a brilliant Christmas and a fantastic New Year! Thankyou so much for supporting my writing and if I don't write again soon, See you next year!:) **


	16. Lambert

I wake with thoughts of him clouding my head. He speaks softly in my dreams and whispers my name gently as I replay the scene over and over in my head and smiled. I opened my eyes to find him leaning against my bedpost, watching me with interest. "What are you doing in my bedroom! Without any consent as well! I have a good mind to summon my father!" I spoke the words with an angry voice to conceal my secret pleasure at his visit. He shrugged and wandered to the window, leaping out and grabbing the wood above it, positioning his hands to lift himself up on to the roof. "What are you doing?" I quizzed as I leapt from the bed in my nightdress and I peered out, moving back the shutters of the window before me. "You wish me to leave, and I shall go." He said, letting go and sitting on the windowsill as I stepped back. "Unless, you would rather me stay?" He said teasingly, leaning back into my room. I could not help but smile as I bent down to join our lips. "Now I insist you leave, as my father will be coming to see me any moment." He reached out to grab my hand as I began to walk away. He brought it to his lips and I smiled as he kissed it with ease and moved swiftly out the window and back into the forest.

I sighed as a messenger arrived at the door. Guy requested my presence at the mines. I grumbled insults as I dressed in plain outfit and left in the carriage he had sent for me. Guy offered me his hand as I stepped out of the carriage the glum look on my face dissolving as I was to be shown off as his prize today, and for the many to come. This depend my sadness and annoyance, as I was lead behind a large wooden panel with a small window looking out towards the mines. The Sheriff sat on his horse and rolled his eyes at their speech, much to the annoyance of Guy and the man who stood next to him. I took some comfort in this, but it was defused when Guy walked toward me with a large grin on his face. "This is my project, Marian." He whispered in my ear, as my face remained in the minutes to pass, he continued in a dark, forceful tone "Are you not pleased for me?" I managed back, "I am, very. I am just tired is all." He raised his eyebrows at me, but he forgot that, as we were warned to step back.

The sight before me erupted in smoke and all that was left was a black pit of dust and stones. Embers were fading in to the black pit as the Sheriff walked among them, shaking the man's hand as he rejoiced in the smoke and dying flames. Guy stood with them and grinned widely until the man spoke something and then all fell silent as the argument began. I stepped out from behind the wooden screen as the man ran into the forest and back out again. The Sheriffs men surrounded him and took him away. I hate to think where. He has information he is withholding from them and he will brake under torture, everybody does. I shudder at the thought of the terrible pain he must endure. I have found his name, Lambert. Guy has mentioned him before, but it is strange I did not think much of him until now. Guy is upset at the fact of the loss of his project. They call it 'Greek Fire'.

Lambert has the ledger hidden away and is to destroy it so that the Sheriff and Guy do not use it as a weapon. If Greek Fire were to fall into their hands, it would be the end of Robin and the end of Nottingham itself. Robin was aware of the danger, and sent a Much to get arrested and brought to the dungeons, as to rescue Lambert. I have seen the concerns laid out by Guy, and I told him I would help him get Lambert out Nottingham and to a place of safety. As Lambert is his friend, he has agreed and I have asked for the help of Robin. He was hard to persuade at first, but I have convinced him. It is decided that I am to go to the Council of Nobles, with the new, Lord Much. I giggled at this. How ridiculous! But this will help in our quest for the ledger. We must protect Lambert, whatever the cost. I am off to the council.

**Happy 2011 my devoted fans (and first time readers)! Hope you had amazing 2010 and I am hoping I will get a review or two for my first chapter of the year! Don't be shy! Comments are loved!:) the more reviews, the sooner the chapters! Love you all!xoxo**


	17. Where Loyalty Lies

I entered the council and my heart sank. Guy stood tall and proud, as if holding no convictions, but I knew differently. The minute he saw me he shank back and looked away from my judging eyes. He attempted to walk past me as if I had not been seen, but I pulled him aside.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned sharply

"I could not foresee our project, I am sorry." He said, flatly.

My eyes widened in horror at him and in return he uttered,

"Loyalty, loyalty can sometimes be divided. Lambert is dead."

He strode off before I could hiss back insults in retaliation. The Sheriff began the council with the story of a horse, but my mind wandered elsewhere. It was my fault. I put my trust in someone who I know is guilty of evil, someone who has murdered innocent people and someone…. who loves me. Perhaps that is why I betrayed my feelings. I hoped to find some spark of good in the man I am sentenced to marry. But the black leather he wears is the same black darkness that will always bind his heart.

I rose from my chair and rode to the forest as soon as the meeting concluded. Tears were filling my eyes as the trees began to form a roof over my head, the deeper I rode. I wanted to curl into a ball and cover myself with a cloak, shielding me from the world and from my shame. I dismounted my horse and could not hold the news any longer.

"He's dead." I whispered, as Robin came closer. "I'm so sorry."

And it was true. I was prepared for a scolding, yelling or rage, but instead he closed the gap between us and took me in his arms as tears washed my face. It was then, I found my shield and it was then, I found my cloak to hide me from the world. I found all of that in the man I love.

"Hush my love…. Do not wear yourself out with tears…. My darling Marian..." He lifted my face to meet his. "This was not your doing Marian, do you understand? You did not kill Lambert, you are not at fault for his death."

I shook my head, " But I trusted him! I should have listened to-" He cut me off with a kiss and I closed my eyes when our lips met. I opened them when he pulled away and he smiled at me.

"Now," He said, weaving his fingers into mine, "The others will have think we have run off, come on." We made our way back to the camp in silence.

Robin and I parted with a kiss as I rode to Bonchurch to find Much and tell him what he was to tell the girl. He was not easily persuaded, but I hope he is not foolish enough to let slip anything that would harm Robin.

Guy confronted me today. I dislike my engagement ring enough, but now I have reason not to wear it. He grabbed me by the arm as I tried to slip past him.

"I'm sorry…" He sighed and I looked down at my arm still in his grasp.

"Where is your betrothal ring?" He questioned me.

"I felt dishonest wearing it!" I shot the words like arrows, hoping to pierce his pride, the look on his face told me I succeeded. "I am afraid we have misunderstood each other lately, I assumed you would be true to your word. You perhaps though I would not mind if let me down!"

He turned his head away with annoyance. "I sincerely did not intend that." He said firmly

" I don't care, I though you were a better man. Now I realize I must content myself with disappointment!" I gritted my teeth in disgust at the very sight of him.

"I had to make a choice…" He began, loosing more and more of my respect for him at each word "You know that I am all that stands between you and the Sheriff, and I would not see you harmed. I have to protect you." He warned with blackness in his eyes. "Will you wear the ring again?" He had a glimmer of the actual question, but held on to the demanding part.

I took a few moments before answering to eye him in shame. "Of course, but we will never fin ourselves in this situation again! Everything is back in its box." I cautioned and almost struck him as I walked away with power in my steps.

**I am so sorry I have not updated in a while. When none reviewed my last chapter I lost the point in writing, but I realized that the only person I should write to impress, was myself. As soon I realized that, I wrote this. Please give me feedback to improve my writing and I will return the favor! **


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